Broken Pieces

It has been too long... dam dam dam too long.... I came back due to inspiration. A few days ago, I saw someones blog and to my surprise she's awesome. But of course not as awesome as Eexin. She is still by far the best blogger I've seen. Anyways, I have been through a lot since I blog. So much as happen and I mean MUCH. Currently using fren's broadband to online (hope he dun mind much). So it is on to surfing for latest hot tracks for my ears. Argh to hell with tat..... I miss "her". yes it is her... the 4th..... she was indeed a magnificent gal and she probably still is... it's been a long time since we stay in touched and I wish i could go back in time and just say out what needs to be said. A lot of things are kept bottle up in my heart and lately the bottle is getting full. I feel tat when it comes to the opposite sex, I am utterly useless. Aside from tat, there is a basketball competition coming up and I feel that I will greatly let my team down. There is a saying in a blog that I read,

Single people mostly party a lot live alone most times

it is true that I am a lot alone at most times. Yeah I have many friends and etc but no matter how many relationships I build, it just seems tat I am still alone. there is another saying i once saw somewhere saying that,

" If a person always make a group or other people happy, that person is the most lonely person."

This is indeed another true fact about myself..... I hate being alone. It makes me feel unwanted or not important. Everyday, I fake a smile to get by and no one saw it was a lie or a cover up. They just think I am that way and just move on with their lives. There is a lot of pain and scars on me that is extremely unbearable. Perhaps it is myself that is the problem. but one way or another, nobody cares.

Pain

i've been away for awhile and i am sorry for tat. but the past few days, i have been carrying a burden of pain. I've been in a love lust lately and i hate it. Finally, 19 years of my life i have been searching for the the gal that matches my description and i found it. I finally found "her". I was determined to get her fall for me. but that determination was easily destroyed and burn. i've met a few frens since college starts and boy let me tell u. if they are not dickheads, then they are bitches. one of them stab my back to get close to "her". Every single time they hung out, i would rage with fury trying to go balbaric on him but i cant. now while she's keeping an eye out for him. He senses the jealousy and used it to turn "her" against me. Talking crap and bullshit about me behind my back. 1 thing i knew for sure is that the fucking guy definite falls for her like a sad lost little puppy. My anger controlled me doing the things i never thought of doing but soon i woke up and smell reality and realized.... she's not worth it. I've gave up on her...slowly and reluctantly..... but soon i did. On 6/5, i have fully fully fully let go of her. when i am around her, i am my oldself again. but it is HIS turn to feel the jealousy when i am around her being myself. Not to brag but i can be quite the charmer when i am normal again. But the moment i fully let go of her, destiny tried to screw me. It made her do something on me to make me not let go and keep holding on. that's wat fucking pisses me off. I hate the people (especially gals) that are not being sincere. the moment i started to be all gooey for her, the ignorant forgetful and bossy her is back. Fishing me as if i am nothing but a disposable. I sought help on FB and Jac Jac came to my rescue. Reading 3 comments that she commented woken me and gave me massive strength to let go again. I was inspired and determined that this time would be different. it's nearly 8 and i am about to get to class... will blog next time when i am free.

1 word can change everything

haiz..... i knew when i join elken.... my mom would go total balistic on me..... i tot i was prepared for it... but i wasn't.... everytime talk to her bout it, confidence sure shot down de... sien..... but the thing is... i nid to keep on thinking on my goal and NOT let others influence me... i kept hoping to get a 4-digit payment... to ease my mom's pain... to ease my own pain.... i dun wan to see her stuck in a suffering life... her age by now shud be happy and relaxing... she shud hv enjoy the world, shop till u drop, chat up with frens and just relax.... but heck, she just keep herself busy struggling to find $$ for us.... my brother cant support much bcz he got his own family on the way. my sis, haiz.... low salary dun expect much.... that is why i join elken... i saw the potential.... i saw the BIG picture... if i really struggle hard enough to acomplish that goal.... my mom's struggling and suffering would end. she would finally be happy for once... finally get to see the outside world. but now, all she do say is "dun think too much about it! FOCUS UR STUDY!!! DUN HOPE FOR IT...." all she say is negative words... it hurts... it really does... for a mom not hving confidence in me able to achieve smth..... but who cares... i will still go on.... to struggle... cause my mind has already been prepared to face this things.... i have been warn that the ppl i know will shut me down but is up to me to come out from my box and talk to other ppl in the world.... rite now, i will accept almost everything or everyone to give them a chance in making their own multi-$$$ business~

u're so hot and u're so cold

ngai ti..... call my mom this evening... ask her about Amway, she replied :things expensive. ask about Elken, she replied: no no no no... things no good.... no no no no...... ur fren punya mother got do b4... earn onli 2k or 3k... for a while onli.... then she no more do liaw... quit liaw... bo do liaw... ==.... ask about HerbaLife, she replied :wat tat? my confidence was shot down.... no doubt ==..... but then again. it went back up but onli half the level. wanna know whY? my mom said, " earn onli 2k or 3k a few months.... after a while no more." to me... earning 2k or 3k by asking ppl to join and i'm onli 19 oledi very good.... so u know wat? i will just go ahead with this Elken... give it a shot... if i fail, fine. bad business investment. if i suceed, in ur faces rite? my fren, baby, is an example. and his mom too. they both lazy dao bao.... (mom is onli sort of) and yet, his mom receive a cheque of rm1k. and it's maybank. dude.... she didnt do anything and her downline help me everything out.... those 2 ppl are consider proof to me already. and another thing is, last sunday i paid rm15 to listen out a talk. there were 4 great ppl (including 1 millionair) in the talk. 1 of it is my upperline or mentor, another one is a person name Liong Kah Cheng. His story is a little similiar to me. His wife is like my mom (a cold fridge). both of them would say, "it wont work or how many u sell today? nth? 1? i told u wont work la". i wanted to talk to him but i didnt hv the chance... dam..... but there is another sort of group meeting tomolo. and i am going and this time i wan to speak to him!

its been long

wao.... it's been really long since i last posted... and boy am i sure i have miss out a lot... anyway. short summary about the missing pieces. still studying in KLT, failed 1 semester but still able to continue studying (i hope). currently taking special semester. rite now, i am crashing at my fren's crib. his name is baby ==.... we call him tat cause he is used to it. anyhoo, 1 of my reason for sudden come back is this. my fren TMC gave me an idea about "diary". u see, i still miss tat special gal. i might hv liked other gal but then i realise, i could never like another gal unless i move on. that's when it hit me, i am still in love with the gal from the very 1st beginning. anyway, he inspired me to write a "diary" everyday about her. whenever u're thinking about her, miss her, or hv ideas or some sort. write it down in a diary form and give it to her. well tat's what i am going to do. next week i will be going back home for CNY. and hopefully, i can meet the gal. but she is always "busy". i aint sure if she's avoiding me or smth but i hv that feeling that she does. but then again, she send me a text the other day saying, "din forget you la :) impossible de la :) night...". i was complete utter shock and i am embarrass to say, i nearly fell in tears after seeing tat. you have no idea how much it touched me when i saw that text... it was totally out of this world. anyway, it's getting late. panda eyes are coming. i wanna go and hit the hay.

What?

haiz..... sometimes ppl can be cold and suddenly warm.... i wonder why? i really hv no idea wat is the person trying to say..... yesterday was a shocking nite to me... really freaking shiok dao when i receive a msg..... i wonder wat meaning is tat?

an unforgettable 28/4/10

as i posted b4.... yesterday was my b'day.... super dam happy and high day..... woots!!! thx to my sibu frens here..... ngu kang chiang, tiong mang chiu, wong sie kuen, baby, tommy, rebecca, joseph, elvin, alvin, siong jie, yang lin..... i oso wanna thx ah jun and cosmas even thou they were not there..... they all surprise me with a cake.... but the surprise is not the cake... is the cream on my face and hair and shirt and body and neck and ear and nose and mouth and eyes and many many many other places.... i love them all!! at 1st, i was attending the SCF de movie nite at LT1.... about 10 sec after the movie played. my phone rang and kang zhen ask me to bring him in because he was "alone".... i stupidly fell for it ==..... i went out and nobody was there.... he keep saying he's at the notice board... so i just walk over and heard his voice.... when i reach there.. it was a little bit weird why he stand outside instead of inside the building.... but tat moment he was looking at his phone so i tot he didnt notice i'm there... i walk towards him and precisely 3 secs later.... a plate full of cream suddenly flash out... but luckily the corner of my eye caught sight of it and i instantly make a run for it.... let me explain..... i was freaking shocked and siak dao when the plate suddenly appear.... scare the crap out of me... so i just make a run for it... but when i was running i baru realise wait a min.... is them!! at that moment i was both deeply touched and freaking scared at the same time... in the end sie kuen caught me and let the face smacking begin... all 12 ppls smack their plates on my face head and body... after all plates are "assemble" on me.... i saw a tiny orange light coming out from the hallway... noticed that my glasses was of cz blinded by the shaving cream so i couldn'nt really see anything much.... then i saw clearly that rebecca was holding a cake coming out while my frens all sing happy birthday song.... the moment was magical and simply magnificient.... i really couln't imagine they would do this favour for me.... after making 3 wishes and blewing out the candle. i ask," who's idea was this?" they all said kang zhen! kang zhen!! he was standing beside me all "clean" and nice and sharp.... instantly i just hug him and just like tat.... he's creamed... and we all start smacking cream here and there..... after creaming session.... i went back to my hostel to take a mop while rebecca went back hers to get her mop and a bucket... we clean up the place a little and then is on to cake!! the cake is SIMPLY DELICIOUS!!!! then i ask some1 out from the movie during SCF just so that i could give that person a slice of cake which i saved up.... that person was so scared i smack the cake on her face so that person kept his/her distance from me... after eating the cake... he/she said thx and went back to her movie... the thing about that is... when she went back in, my frens saw her a little bit giggling and smiling. when he/she sat down, his/her frens non stop asking wat happen? why u go out? wat u do?.... he/she just laugh and smile.... after the movie was over, my frens head back to my hostel to put the stuffs away and then they left. b4 leaving, i said thx to every1 for this amazing,stupendous and memoriable nite... i will definitely never forget this date 28/4/10... i thx every1 for helping me celebrate my 18th birthday!! I LOVE U ALL!!

28/4

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................. my b'day today.... wooo...... go facebook and saw 60++ posts on my profile.... wwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee.............. replied them all hahahaha...... but today i was hoping for smth impossible.... but i guess it's impossible to happen.... haiz....... sad...... but u know wat.... 4get it.... no fish got prawn!!

xD

yesterday was a happy day for me? lol?!........ i bit blur blur liaw...... dare to dream dudes..... wonder why so happy ho? because..... mou mou dong xi happen!!

Bitter Sweet Day

haiz......... yesterday (sunday) was a bittersweet day.... why ah? cause..... bitter is i found out smth very very very very horrible and terrible..... sweet is bcz my hostel frens here help me celebrate my birthday (early). we took some photos of cz but my phone cacat de cant take photos..... so nid wait a while b4 my fren will post it. curse my nokia phone.... dam it.... my phone is onli best in dropping without breaking.... xD....... so everytime it drop bo rasa de.... anyhoo.... when i was playing frisbee yesterday... i kena ALUMBA/gangbang by the players due to...... haiz.... some1 big mouth say out 3 days later will be my b'day.... didnt know sibu here ppl oso play this alumba... hahahah... fun and scary... at dinner i ate sugar bun with my hostel buddies. then it's cake session... yum!!! pandan cream yam sponge cake.... superb taste man!!! haiz..... left about 7 days or so for final decision.... if i dun come up with 1 fast... time runs out and i might lose 1 year time..... gg.......... that aint the bitter part.... the most bitter part is about XXXXXXXXXXXXX............. nobody knows yet... wakakakak... except for some gek po gek po ppl..... u know who u r!! post till here for now... .stomach ache... back hostel deal business with stomach a while